u dun need to read this. it may seem meaningless... and... tiny..... its abt time this blog became a real blog i guess. noe wut i mean? =]
i noe wut ive done and sumtimes i regret certain things. things juz dun rly come out right u noe? saying them there and then did hav a different effect from when u look bak at wut u said, and we all juz sounded plain stupid. and the times i may hav insulted u but i seriously didnt mean it that way. but sumtimes, u confuse me too.... ure a different person in front of ure friends and that rly pisses me off ok. sumtimes, i even wonder when ure puttin up an act. .... look, u can be extremely nice at times.. and rly horrible at others, mixing the damn signals.... it juz annoying the shit outta me ok. i dunno if wut u say is rly wut u mean, or isit not. sumtimes the way u phrase ure sentences rly stabs me inside..... but wut does all of this mean? wut do i mean.
the same question always comes up and the same answer follows. those times, i juz wish u were lying. lying so bad .i noe its not an easy question to answer but i thought u'd be alot different. ....that one night, and only one, i seriously felt different abt wut u said . i took u seirously and actually believed u. but was that all a lie, or juz a one time thing.or are u hiding cuz of wut ure friends might think? are u afraid to say wut u feel and mean wut u say? heh... guess thats the case. and im supposed to be the one to tell u everything while u juz sit bak and listen and maybe even pretend not to care?!? seriously... im so sick of this but why cant i walk away? this is starting to get on my nerve but why cant i say no? sometimes the words that come out of ure mouth reassure me and keeps the fire burning . but other times, it extinguishes it so fast. but why do i juz sit there, and start building a new flame? bearing the thought in mind that this could actually work .
i sumtimes ask myself. why do i even bother? this isnt going anywhere.this is nothing. worthless and downtrodden. why do i keep hanging on? well, barely. why cant the rope snap or why cant i let go? but then, i think abt it and i find how stupid i sound. wut the hell im i thinking . give up now? this friendship could actually be sumthing. it could mean sumthing and thats wut pains me. to decide if it is all worth it or not. i seem to be the only one trying. the only one actually interested in this. it juz seems so effortless for u, but what can i do? ive weirded u out enough and so, im trying to tone it down. =/
well, who noes wuts really going on here.
no more tears will fall for this friendship. there are so many people out there to care, but why am i juz satisfied when u do. well, yea. i guess i've been faking a smile since the first of may.
yes, the first of may.
_Su-en<33